Sara and ShaynnaBlaze toe-to-toe

Before we kick off for tonight, did everyone see Bianca in Sara’s bath last night? So evil looks like B should be stroking a white cat!

Oh and the Triffids’ Wide Open Road gets us going in the soundtrack stakes, one of a handful of songs guaranteed to make me cry, especially where the late great Dave McComb sings “so how do you think it feels sleeping by yourself when the one you love, the one you love, is with someone else”…

Hooray, The Blockers are going on a road trip. Later!

After a meeting with the landscaper where they talk about vibe and have no plans, really Jess takes task with Norm saying “No one messes with The Bogans”. Wear it loud and proud! I do, we all are at heart.

Ooh another tease for the thing everyone’s tuning in for tonight

Sara’s still smarting from the “harsh” comments the judges have given her and Husband Hayden when critiquing their work. Not sure about everyone else’s job but mostly you only hear feedback when stuff goes wrong, not when it goes right.

Dread, Dread, Dread, Dread is how Sara is going into the meeting with ShaynnaBlaze. They go through each room and yes it’s a pretty frank appraisal from Shaynna about what she thinks is wrong but none of the other teams are getting that Sara so maybe take note looks like you’re just staring at her thinking particularly dark thoughts along the lines of “what does this bish know…” or “how dare she attack my styling” etcetera.

Then Scotty Cam picks up on this and makes the assessment that she’s not listening at all and bang! We get a montage to Simon and Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence

Hello Darkness My Old Friend indeed. Sara’s resting Block face is absolutely brilliant.

As there’s a discussion about toning down the Art Deco vibes, Husband Hayden strolls in and tries to offer his two cents and ShaynnaBlaze has zero tolerance for either contestant’s back chat and enquires as to their credentials in the painting and decorating sphere and reminds them quite bluntly that she’s been in styling for the past 30 years so STFU and take my advice it’s free you know, “that’s why I’m here”. Stamps heel, walks out. (Doesn’t, but I wish she did)

Sara and Hayden get advice from Shaynna about their master bedroom, which they are in the process of completing this week (just a reminder that NO OTHER contestants are getting this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY) to potentially halt any major disasters before the reveal on Sunday night. They talk about the bed head, and colours and need for darker draws and a wall and balance of light and texture. At this point we’d all probably say “yep, great thanks heaps see you later appreciate your time and effort”

Sara, nup. Not really.

There’s some trust issues here, “It’s good advice but whether or not she likes it is a whole other kettle of fish, I can’t be bothered with high hopes again – they’re just gonna go *pffflt*

ROAD TRIP!

“What’s a You Yang?” well, Courtney. It’s a lovely little mountain range half way to Geelong from where you are in St Kilda. Everyone’s excited to get out of the ‘hood except Kerrie and Spence. But the Bogan Hogans are loving it, except Jess has a minor concern

Fang, it baby!

YES it’s going to be a caravan challenge! Ooh and they’re going to Federal Mills, which is where one of my favourite vintage shops is!

Oh bless, Jess is beside herself when they get to pick the second van, after Hayden and Sara “It’s our dream! We LOVE caravans!” but she noted that “poor Kerrie and Spence looked like they wanted to vomit in their mouths”! Don’t go changin’ Jess.

Hans proves that he’s probably a better pilot than driver, he totally flattens the flat Scotty Cam on arrival

So in Geelong the teams meet a couple from The Glasshouse series and Jess introduces us to the word flumpy and a need to pretend she has a thyroid condition to explain her baby weight. Lulz but focus on the caravan challenge you’ve got this. The brief: 1970s but NO BEIGE.

The Hogan Bogans pick a 60s surfing image for their caravan; Hans (and therefore Courtney) goes with a 70s aviation theme (AWESO
ME I love that era of plane travel, so glamorous) which Courtney has another conniption about but then dances it out on a massive sugar high; B&C go girly and even name their van ‘Frankie’;  Again it kills me how Kerrie and Spence are dubbed the older couple they were born not that too far away from when I was. Hang on… Sara and Hayden what was their design or did I do a Sara and not listen?

Everyone’s out shopping and Bianca and Carla order some Mint Tinge and a Powder Puff – cocktails or paint, you be the judge.

And just after we hear Kerrie being flat as a tack to the soundtrack of The Doors’ The End, how’s poor Nan walking through shot wiping her nose with a hankie!

Ah Sara and Hayden are back with Palm Strings slash Rock’n’Roll theme. I like the sound of it!

While Hans and Courtney can sing, dance and riff their way out of anything and look like a tonne of fun, they CANNOT make a decision to save themselves when they’re in the middle of the nitty gritty of a challenge or a room. Carlene drops by to guide Hans and makes a fab suggestion to grab colours from their central caravan image, especially the green on the dress (I remember some fetching curtains and mum and dad’s that featured that green!)

LOL Courtney comes back from the shops looking completely over it and excitable Carlene doesn’t like her ferny fabric <cue Hello Darkness My Old Friend>

Now over to Kerrie and Spence’s “Psychadelic Love Wagon” (ewww) and oh dear but are we surprised, there’s a whole lotta Beige going on… Kerrie claims “I thought it was camel”……what’s the diff. Pick it up guys, seriously, this is the fun stuff why get stuck on the ‘we should be back at the block’ sad sack vibe.

The rollercoaster of Sara is high on the vibe of the shopping aspect for their caravan… until… she freaks out about not having enough stuff or not being listened to or just not being, well, happy.

This could be the challenge that brings everyone undone.

Or maybe it’s just Norm and Jess, their self assessment though is pretty amazing. As amazing as Norm’s outfit.

While everyone’s scrambling in the last five minutes to get finished, Carla hooks into the Pimms cocktail made to finish the complete styling of Frankie. Excellent work.

I’m so glad there’s something fun this episode, it’s not just high drama and meltdowns!

Courtney and Hans pull off their 70s travel theme, and great chair out the front of the van!

And over to where misery loves company and Shelley laughingly suggesting you couldn’t be anything but happy with the Psychadelic Love Wagon of Kerrie and Spence where they clearly express in their vibe and language that they want no part in shenanigans. But they get away with the beige factor because of other colour in there.

Sara and Hayden are given a fair bit of praise for their styling efforts but did Carlene say something about cool on the inside not as cool on the outside, will that see another ‘fail’ and another reason to be disappointed.

The Glampervan was pretty but not finished enough – too much Pimms!?

Oh Norm and Jess MUST win this! “It’s perfect”. Hopefully they do and they save their marriage too ;)

Haha and they do win, Jess saying “Oh lucky! We were about to get divorced”! Delightful they hug and probably cry, just terrific. B & C seem happy for them too.

AND then… is she being deliberately provocative but Sara says “Yeah, I don’t know how they won. Ours was awesome” Hayden adding “yeah, we didn’t even have to do a crappy paint job on ours”, Sara bringing it home with:

“Yeah. This competition is rigged.”

sah rock’n’roll…

Heading back Norm and Jess patch things up until Jess says she won’t be able to use the bonus point they one in the challenge against the girls (or anyone else, except maybe Hayden and Sara)

And oh you bastards at The Block getting me to cry using Wide Open Road again and look at that beautiful shot of my beautiful Melbourne! G’night