Recap Scene: Watch The BLOCK with Rosemary Walton – Episode 3

Using Iggy’s Lust For Life as the opening scene music, with a narration around the theme from Trainspotting Choose blah blah blah, I sincerely hope there’s no baby crawling along the ceiling in some horrifying fevered ‘dream’ sequence a la the Ewan McGregor movie from 1996.

Oh that’s right, they’re all, effectively, living together for the time being so have to have that awkward morning breath chat in the hallway first thing. And there’s always at least one contestant who’s a bit of a sleepy head. This season it’s Jess. Now. There is not enough money in the world to entice me to be on a show that films me in my bed when I’ve just woken up

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I’ve grabbed the most flattering shot of Jess possible in this scenario just so I can draw your attention to something – bed against the window sill. Is that compliant? Or does it only count for kids who clearly might try to escape into the wilds of St Kilda and seriously who wouldn’t when Luna Park and the beach is literally only a 1.1km walk from that bedroom to the big teeth.

Keith and Dan have reminded us of their expectations of today, which essentially boils down to DO SOMETHING.

Bulkheading is my new favourite word or are they trying to suggest that Hayden’s just a big bulkhead. As Spence runs through what his deadlines are and identifies it requires cooperation from other contestants I can only think – what could possibly go wrong!

Is it just me or does it appear that Bianca and Carla are the only ones that actually get in there to do stuff?

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Courtney and Hans are getting it together cause they’ve finally found a builder…from Sydney…there weren’t any local ones available? Typical. And Courtney/Bec Judd decides to make adjustments to their dream bathroom allow for the time shortage. Dan doesn’t sound convinced but too bad. Don’t you think she looks a bit like Bec Judd?

Jess is out of bed finally and oh what a disaster but typical of Gumtree the piece de resistance of her 2.5m Japanese Maple being sold out from under her. Jess has more manners than me. I’d be losing my proverbial if my tree had been taken from me! How about a maiden hair fern, aren’t they bathroomy? Not helping?

Yep, Reece Bathrooms 3D modeling, amazing.

Back to tree-gate. Did Jess just mention Chris from Hello Hello!? (gee whiz, remember this?). She’s not wielding that tape measure with much confidence, kinda important to get the difference between centimetres and milimetres right! Secretly I hope she doesn’t and we see a dwarf like plant a la the Stonehenge disaster from Spinal Tap!

In a game of Apartment Jenga plumbing issues are being sorted out and Foreman Dan is on the warpath, he’s about to confront Hayden and Sara… he clearly hasn’t encountered her death stare yet. Might be about time for that, hold onto your hat Dan…

No staring but she gets a bit miffed when she’s kinda made to ring her husband but doesn’t seem to really care that he doesn’t answer, possibly not getting the drift that she NEEDS TO GET ONTO HIM LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO. Could she not walk downstairs to where he is? ARE YOUR LEGS PAINTED ON LOVE? I don’t understand the urgency myself but the Scott Cam voiceover led me to believe it was important.

Ah, the ole ‘time is money’ chat comes now from Spence whose pipe works are being delayed because of Hayden (and therefore Sara)’s antics he’s claiming he’s paying for labour that isn’t labouring. Oops. And now we’re getting reminded of the gesture Kerrie and Spence made to Hayden and Sara when they realised they were moneybags to take their cashola for the money back guarantee part of the kids room challenge. Confused? Kinda. Now the blokes (Hayden and Spence) are talking cash and I’m not sure where to look. And my abacus is busted. I think Spence rescinded the offer. Sara’s going to go spare! FANTASTIC

 Hayden, Hayden, Hayden what have you done?

Hayden, Hayden, Hayden what have you done?

Yep, as predicted Stare Bear Sare is ropeable with husband Hayden making a decision without her, and the irony of the slogan on her helmet is not lost

In a move that may have to be scrutinised by the Banking Royal Commission, Sara is trying to offset the $700 fine attempting to con Bianca Chatfield. Thankfully the Australian champ is cautious and strides off, two stairs at a time, to check with her buddy Carla. Bianca and Carla’s tradies are barely able to say &*!# before Sara storms in to reiterate how untenable their situation is (I’m still unable to tell what the actual situation is).

Explanations ensue, with a flimsy grasp of the truth, Hayden tries to join in (pipe down mate, I think you’re in enough hot water), there’s a lot of false eyelash waggling and phone waving but the biggest giveaway that Sara may not actually believe her own B.S is a massive gulp mid sentence when she tries to claim that her chippies were *gulp* standing around. PANTS ON FIRE. Carla and Bianca can barely conceal their contempt and start to unpick the web of lies.

The girls remain staunch and reasonable about not paying the ridiculous $700 “We don’t think that’s right” getting the retort “Well we do” while Hayden tries to rub his face off with anxiety, Bianca provides some little things called facts then there’s some talking over the top of each other which ultimately forces Sara to whine “I’m not arguing with you” (yes you are) and B says well “we’re not agreeing with you”. So ner ner ni ner ner. STOP TALKING

The cavalry arrives, Dan asks about the ruckus, we barely notice Keith is there, Sara winds up and claims she was yelled at by Dan. We all have this reaction

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It always astounds me that people on these types of shows who are followed around by cameras 24/7 seem to forget that the function of the cameras is to record everything. We saw no yelling in your face, Sara.

Haha, what was I saying!? That’s for the replay Scotty et al.

LOL “OK fine it wasn’t yelling!” she practically yells. Ooh that’s a big call, about being made to feel intimidated, but I wasn’t there and only Sara knows how she feels so. Ok. Acknowledged.

Comedy gold and the Logie for best use of a Flashback goes to Dan and The Block for harking back to when he was a mere contestant. Brilliant.

Conflict resolution 101 Spence comes in says don’t worry about it, Bianca thinks forward to next time and they all hug and go out for fish n chips together. using that 700 bucks. No they don’t but geeze I’m hungry.

Luckily for Jess and Norm they’re blissfully unaware of all that rubbish… and Courtney and Hans cope another blow with their tiler pulling the pin. Then we get a sad diary recap. Again no Melbourne trades people available so importing tilers from Sydney!?

Oh I do love a Japanese Maple Jess, good call, but still not sure that they’re an indoor plant. Just an aside, as we listen to Darryl Braithwaite’s Horses, is there another Australian song that is more popular in its resurgence than when it was first released?

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Sara and Dan make up sequence. Kinda sorta. I feel like this won’t be forgotten.

Continuing the Trainspotting thing from earlier, the editors chuck in Born Slippy, was the Soundtrack found under the editing suite couch? Meanwhile Bianca’s on the iPad googling Real Estate Agents, stopping on McGrath which is in Carlisle Street, which I’m sure used to be called something else. Where I paid rent once upon a time. Wasn’t Morleys then was it? Whatever, back to the show.

Spence running through the real issues of being delayed by other’s plumbers, saying they may not be able to finish that room challenge. Be good if all the contestants could hear that *cough cough Sara cough*

Ok wow this is getting really upsetting to watch, Kerrie and Spence, I said from the outset, will be the quiet achievers and with Spence’s background they should do quite well. Why is it the people who aren’t being all ‘showbiz’ have to cop a shit sandwich. Don’t give up guys!

Hans is hanging out in Fitzroy Street waiting for his Sydney tilers to rock up and don’t tell me, or please tell me that they are about to get off this Skybus that has just flashed up on screen.

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Currently Melbourne doesn’t have a train service to and from Tullamarine airport but the trusty Skybus is pretty good, even recently extending their service to Fitzroy Street and beyond from just a city shuttle. We’ll never know, but I reckon they jumped off the bus for sure!

Anyway, as my catholic school education taught me – What the Lord Giveth, the Lord Taketh Away – and while Hans has tilers, he has no tiles. The tile truck is busted. Jump in the Tiguan and get it yerself!

Yes Courtney! That’s the way. Oh woah hang on. I’m a talker to my selferer but that is next level! Phone rings she’s talking to old mate from Beaumont Tiles, and says that she’s heading in the wrong direction. So rewind: she was heading to Chelsea Heights but may now be diverted so let’s Pause.

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She’s clearly on Ink going past my Aldi, are we about to play the “why the hell are they going in that direction” game? Immediately I’m saying being headed in this direction on this road is poor map planning, she should have turned right onto Nepean Highway. Don’t get in a car with me, I’m terribly pedantic. Ha, now off to Keysborough  “in the general direction”… luckily for her she is actually on the right road for that. Kinda sorta.

WHITE LIES “After driving for 35 minutes”. I know Grey Street can be a pain to get onto some times but that is pfft Wash your mouth out Scotty Cam. Wouldn’t even take that long to walk! I knew these continuity issues would become one of my favourite things about the show.

They mentioned five ways (a notorious intersection). The best thing about getting to the infamous Five Ways is that she’s right in he epicenter for the equally as infamous Daniel’s Donuts that is by all accounts well worth the drive and is open 24 hours, which is handy so you don’t have to queue if you go at the right time. But I digress.

Back at The Block Jess has to fire up about slack plasterers. Go get em! Don’t let them waste your time. Cut your losses.

I’m trying to process the monumental cock-up at Bianca and Carla’s apartment that is clearly going to be tonight’s cliffhanger. Gonna need more than Selley’s No More Gaps or gaffer to fix this up!

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An engineer from Bluescope has to come out? Let me guess, it’s 5.30pm on a Friday afternoon…

Sara and Hayden have stopped fighting for five minutes to talk about their secret weapon of a secret garden. I’m yet to be convinced about the efficacy of a vertical garden but maybe the bathroom steam will help…

Is Carla from South Australia? “LAAAHnce”. Lovely diction. The rain in spain stays mainly in the plain.

Cupcake bribes, a plumbing supplies shop staying open after closing, Hayden and Sara not fighting but kissing what a nauseating end to the show.

That’s just incense not smudge sticks Courtney!

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Get a tin of this like I bought in Mexico!

I look forward to more Sara logic, amusing car continuity and mishaps tomorrow night

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About Mary Boukouvalas 922 Articles
Mary is a music photographer and reviewer.

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